Today I really want to speak to you about something which is often discussed and gives me a lot of food for thought – forgiveness.
“You have to forgive; it sets you free”
Most self-help books and self-discovery sources tell you in one way or the other that ‘No matter what trauma happened in your life, you need to forgive, you will feel better once you have achieved that’.
Let’s take a step back.
I always wanted to work in the medical field, originally as a doctor and preferably Doctors Without Borders or in Trauma ER/Intensive Care.
But since I had my son at 17 it was more practical to go into nursing and earn some money.
So, I did that with a 2-year old on my lap. I loved it but my first love was my son.
After my nursing training, I moved to South Africa with my husband and son and we had 2 beautiful girls. Life was perfect.
As you can imagine, partners in such a young relationship have a lot of growing to do and we grew apart. On the rebound, I went into the arms of a psychopath/con-artist who pulled the wool over many people’s eyes. I thought stuff like this only happened in movies.
I and my children lived for 6 years through a nightmare of domestic violence and emotional abuse.
I eventually got the guts to get out.
Then I was separated from my children who lived with their dad and his wife. I wasn’t sure at that stage what was worse the nightmare from before or somebody taking your children from you.
A few years later, in a then new relationship, I learned to live with somebody who has a drinking problem which proved itself to be another nightmare at times. But I strongly believed that love can cure anything, I believed that if I just love enough the alcoholic problem goes away, well it didn’t at this stage. We had a beautiful baby girl together who is now 14.
I moved away from this relationship, made a few other not ideal choices and finally ….. the rest is history.
I am now running my own Pilates and Life coaching studio.
Why am I telling you all this?
I was told many times that I had to forgive, forgive the man who abused me and my children. If I forgave than I would be free of the guilt and it would be out of my mind and I could move on.
My problem isn’t to forgive him for abusing me, I would have taken all of this on if that would have spared my kids, but I cannot forgive anybody harming my children.
And I also don’t think that is the problem, and I often discuss this with my Life Coaching clients; I don’t have to forgive anybody but myself.
And if you can forgive yourself for allowing that to happen then you can set yourself free, free from guilt and free from the need to punish yourself all the time.
When I go with my clients through my signature program – Journey to Release the Weight and Gain Confidence – the hurdle of forgiving others and yourself comes up. This is a very big point to work through because if you can’t forgive yourself you cannot learn to love yourself!
You need to take this step and can then normalize the new and get on with life.
Now you know, this is why I am so passionate about being a Life Coach and helping woman to love themselves again, gain confidence and be the successful woman they see before them only in their dreams.
lots of Love Christiane